My friend is not doing well. She steps forward, she steps back. New concerns make themselves known, obvious concerns cannot be addressed because she is too weak. For so many people who love her and are very far away from her it is a constant roller coaster of worry. I ricochet between despair and blind hope. And I pray. Desperate, fervent, demanding, pleading 'not yet' prayers.

It is amazing... it comes in minuscule particles and huge lunges --- this understanding of adult perspective. In my reactions, in my feelings, in my thoughts I hear so many things I heard my parents say at such times.

When my parents were both gone, she said "it's too much" and "it's too soon." She is younger than either of them were.... So I pray. And think on all these things.